


eprpector's quest for yaoweez; the au

by ChingKittyCat



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Adultery, Adventure & Romance, Angst and Feels, Be Careful What You Wish For, Energy Field Sexual Interfacing, Epic Bromance, Epic Fail, Grimdark, HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2017 (One Direction), Kingdom Hearts Yaoi Mailing List, Other, Purple Shirt of Sex, Sexy, Sexy Times, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChingKittyCat/pseuds/ChingKittyCat
Summary: google google dot comgoogle dot come search funny robot fanfiction-fic art
Relationships: So many - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [one_starry_knight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_starry_knight/gifts).



“The birth rate is falling sharply in 21000st Century Cybertron. To combat the decreasing numbers, there's only one option left: get men pregnant.”

Pracaptor said… very seriously and grimly, the whole science room gasped ~astonished~ . preceptor didn’t care he had to deliver the facts and if they were offended by them they would simply have to deal with it………….

Optimus prime, the scandelous and rambunctious little man he was, said, “well better get to it then seeya later” and then he left

“Stupid idiot Optimus Prime left without seeing the cool thing i made…” grumbled perceptor

“BUT HOW DO MEN HAVE CHILDREN PRECEPTOR???? WE ARE MEN” asked bracptor’s husband, wheeljack, the sweet naive man who was simply too smallbrained and smallballed to understand the gravity of the situation (or perceptor’s hot yaoi needs for that matter)

“I’ve made this great new invention,” perceptor pulled out a unlabeled brown carborb box and held it in his supple, babyish Yoda-esque hands, “I call it ‘sex’.”

Perceptor opene the box infront of wheeljack eyes and it was glowing like a stoplight and wheeljack SCREAMED and closed the box and THREW IT and percetpro SCREAMED and picked up the box and dusted it off, making sure the inside was ok.

“I think i would like to try sex” said covergirl, who took the box and opened it up but because she was a human it affected her and gave her an interesting effect. brawn took the box next but he didn’t have the effect he just had the ability to use se.x

The box got passed down the line of hot, sweaty dudebots. (and rung who was not as sweaty because he doesn’t have as much meat on his bones). Perceptro smiled like this: :)

“Now we shall have sex” said brainstorm, who looked like mother brain from metroid but he was still pretty sexy and perceptor licked his lips. Then he licked his (own) open eyeball like a lizard bc it was getting a bit dusty.

“YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX”  
“Can it, cuckboy,” commanded grimlock, the ramranch cowboy, “it’s sex time” 

There was a huge like 20 bot orgy right in the lab, they all went to town. Perceptor and wheeljack and covergirl watched and then perceptor looked at wheeljack and wheeljack looked at perceptor then perceptor stood up on a counter and crossed hims arms across his chest like a pharoe and fell backwards into the orgy..!!

Wheeljack stomped around very angry, knocking counters over and throwing glass but not even he could stop the orgy of hungry manbots who simply did indeed want to CREAM!!!! 

It took a while but they eventually splurted the gurt and perceptor laid in tha middle of the room covered in gurt alongside his hot manass .

Wheeljack PICKED HIM UP by the shoulders and shook him very much, shaking the mixture of gurt and unknown liquid off of bracepeter. Perbreptor smiled and looked at him and wheeljack was mad because perceptor was pregantn and so was everyone else (covergirl was mad because brawn was preganet now too). 

“I have some bad news, whalejack,” Perceptor said, “I’m pregnant. And the baby is yours”

“WHAT”


	2. Chapter 2

Wheeljack and perceptor did not speak a single worded until they got back to the house they just left all of preceptors men int he lab, they could deal with the effects of sex by themselves. They were war veterans so some sex should be nothing.

“What do you MEAN” wheeljack demanded, gesturing at perceptor in the face

“What i mean is that I am pregnant and it is yours because you got me pregnanet”

“BUT I DIDN’T HAVE SEX”

“We had mind sex”

“WHAT!!”

“Mind sex is like sex but in your midn. It’s a new invention i’m working on and you and i had sex in my mind”

“PERCEPTOR THATS CALLED IMAGINATION” said wheeljack, who was very much like a dinosaur. Probably huge cock and balls but very very small brain. But can’t confirm for sure!

“You are funny and i love you mwah” 

then perceptor kissed wheeljack on the forehead by standing on a convieniently placed stair of boxes which he climbed upt to kiss wheeljack on the forehead

Then wheeljack was frustrated (not sexually :() and angry so he went and fell asleep on the couch. Meanwhile percptor cooked some instant gasoline (like instant ramen aaahhh i’m a weeb hehehe) and went into his secret lab which he had under the bed of their apartment. It was a big long staircase into the apartment below it which quark lived in with tailgate, they were both also husbands. 

Quark looked at perceptor with suspiciously and enviously and longingly as perceptor did the thing where you go down the railing of the stairs by sliding on it and did a perfect ten ladning frontflip at the very bottom without hitting his head on the steps above (which quark couldn’t do because he had a sodacan for a head).

“Quark i am pregnant” announced perceptor. 

“Why are you pregnant you’re a man”

“Would you like to be pergenat?”

“Yeah sure”

Then they had sex (perceptor showed quark the box and he became able to have sex) BUT TAILGATE WALKED IN GASP!!! And tailgate SAW and he got angry so he threw a folding chair at perceptor but the deed was already done. Another manass had been claimed for perceptor. Sha-wing. Percepetor: 1. tailgate : 0. 

sobbing, tailgate said “IM TELLING OPTIMUS ON YOU” 

Preception laughed. “You are a silly cuck. I adulterize all of everyone because i am cool lol” then he disappeared into a cloud of smoke and reappeared to kick tailgate in the head and then he disappeared again. Then he reappeared in his apartment and bricked off his secret lab.

He heard tailgate talking to quark about something but hedidnt really care so he just ricked it off then went back to go eat some pocky (aaah >(-w-)<). Wheeljack was awake and he was watching the news. Optimus prime was on the news.

“The decepticon are on their way to here right now so if you see one. Beat them up. Thank you” then the news shut off

“The decepticon? Oh no.” said perceptor sarcastically. He knew they would be nothing becuase megatron was a big stupid baby idiot who cried when he got hurt and probably cried after sex too because he has no friends

“Perceptor were you fucking just now” wheeljack asked

“I gotta fuck, it’s my job” said perceptor. Then he winked.

But little did preceptor know……… his biggest test yet would be soon. He was like an niave wheeljack……. Unknowing of the fuckeries life had planned for him next…...


	3. Chapter 3

Perceptor went to the grocery store because he needed some food or the party he was going to throw for wheeljack coming out of the virgin closet. Perceptor was happy for him, he was going to announce he was an out and proud virgin of twelve trillion seven hundred seventy-one billion six hundred thirty-one million eight hundred ninety-three thousand seven hundred thirteen years.

So perceptor picked up some evil fruit and put it in his cart and went to the non-express lane to go check out and ultra magnus was the cashier

“Welcome to grocery store can i take your order” said ultra magnus. Perceptor put down the fruit on the conveyor belt all the way at the end

“Sex, ultra magn **ass** ” said perceptor

And then they had sex and it was over by the time the fruit was at the scanner. Ultra magnus put the fruit in a bag and perceptor left and went home 

When he went home he unlocked the door and then locked it behind him because you never know when a decepticon could try to unlock your door

Wheeljack was horizontally spread eagle on the couch and he had a party hat and party streamer kazoo thing (it goes fweet) in his mouth. There was nobody else there because it was a virgin party 

“Happy virgin party, wheeljack” congradulated perceptor. He threw confetti ontop of wheeljack… but wheeljack wasn’t moving GASP

“GASP” gasped ppercetpor when he realized WHEELJACK WAS STABBED!!! IN THE BALLS .AND THE CHEST!!! AND HE WAS DEAD!!! Perceptor cried and because he cried ontop of wheeljack’s stab wound he cried on the wires or something which lectrocuted wheeljack and turned him on again (alive not horny, unfortuately :()

Wheeljack turned alive again and he coughed and sat up and perceptor stopped crying and went to go get him some virgin-safe bandaids for his tiny bals. Wheeljack put them on.

“What happened by the way. I got you some food from the grocery store” said eprceptor

“I got stabbed”

“Oh ok”

“I dont remember who did it but i think it was probably warpath”

“Fuck, i hate that guy. he ‘s probably just jealous that you’re a virign so he decided to stab you and your tinyass balls”

“Stop talking about my balls” said wheeljack. Wheeljack sat up on the couch and perceptor looked very broodingly at the door

“He’s been jealous of me ever since optimus approved of me inventing the ol ‘nut n bolt.” perceptor meant sex of course, but who wouldn’t be jealous of the genuius who created how to the solve the population probem? “I can believe he became a ball stabber just to get back at me. Im going to go fuck him up”

“DO NOT. FUCK WARPATH FOR STABBING ME”

“I’ll deicde what to do when i get there” then perceptor left

Perceptor walked arocxs the allway to warparth’s apartment, you could tell it was warpath’s because it stank like a mason jar that a rainbow dash figurine had been put inside of for dubious purposes

Percptor unlocked the door with his elite hacking skills nad brust in. he saw warpath! On the ground! SMOKING THE ENEGRON WITH!! BEACHCOMBER!!! 

“OOUGHH!!!! BEACHCOMBER GET AWAY FROM HIM HE’S GOING TO STAB YOUR BALLS AND YOU'LL DIE” SCREAMED PERCEPTOR!!

“FUCK” screamed warpath. He ran away out the hallway but he tripped on his knife and stabbed himself 

“Well all’s well that ends well. Beachcuomer lets-a fuck” said perceptor

“Ok” 

“Actually nvm you’re smoking energorn so that’s not consent. Goodbye and have a fucking day” and then perceptor left without a single nut. He went back to his apartment and just had a fucking day

But little did he know!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Evil approahcees…. Aaahhh so scary O_O


	4. Chapter 4

Perceptor gay-dened (straightened but gay) his tie and ironed his suit and he looked out at the big stage. Optimus was making a speech about the decepticon which was taking a while to get to where they wre right now

“Perceptor you are gonna go out soon ehre’s your microphone” said bulkahed, optimus’s campaing managed.

Percptor put on the mcirophone onto his suit was very big for his tiny snake-like body. He put the microphone on to his lapel. 

“Can i get a fuck, for luck” said perceptor. Bulkhead blushed. Perceptor showed him th  **box** .

And then they fucked. But. GASP!!! The microphone was HOT!! AND LIVE!!! So while optimus was tlaking htye headr perceptor and bulkhead SQUELCHING NOISES!!! AND IT WAS LOUD!! AAAUGHH!!!

After they was doen prceptor walked out onto the staged after he zipped his dick up. He waved to the bots who were all HUH WUUUHHHH? Because they heard him having sex with bulkhead and they did nto know what sex was

“Hello thank you optimus prime for having me here today” said perceptor into the microphone at the podium “as you know cybertron has had problems with populatiion so i made a cool invention called sex to fix it. It gets men pregantn”

The crowd murmured and stuff and perceptor wiggled his eyebrows

“But how do men get pregnatn” acree asked from the crowd which she was special because she was women

“It is simple. Men fuck men and men become pregnant. That’s all there is too it haha” said perceptor “no more questions. Anyone who wants to gain the sex ability can cum :) over and look over at my box and they will be able to sex. Volunteers only no drafts so please and thank you”

Then perceptor got off the stage and went to his table and spent the entire day showing the box of suex to all tha man who wantd to be able to sex. And there was a big orgy again just like when he first did it and perceptor stood at the top of the pile of cummed out men after they all put themselves in a pile after the orgy to have perceptor stand ont the top like he’s the king of the hill

Then perceptor went home and ntoiced… hmm… the door was already unlcoked.. He opened the door and found nothing was different.. Excpt wheeljack! WAS GONE!! Perceptor dropped to his knees then got back up and ran around the apartment. Then he dropped to his knees and yelled to the sky

“WHAT THE FUCK THE DECEPTICON FUCK YOU”

Perceptor stormed out of the apartment and outside the apartment he looked up and he saw a big battleship so perceptor flew all the way up to it because he was pissed off and angry because he was mad

Perceptor got into the big warship and there inside was lots of decepticons oh no!! And they had wheeljack and he had a big pancake thing on his face!! Like a blinder oh no

“Wheeljack oh no” said perceptor and he ran over to wheeljack and diddnt care about the decepticon. They slapped him away

“Oh yes” said starscream

“Let me have my sexy virgin hunk back” said perceptor

“no” said starscream

“Shut up perceptor, no one likes you” said a mysterious voice.. Then oUT OF THE SHADOWS IT WAS TAILGATE!!!

“Tailgate you stupid slut,” perceptor crossed his arms and smiled “still mad about the cucking?”

“I WILL BE THE ONE CUCKING. YOU. TONIGHT IM DEPECTION NOW”tailgate yelled and stomped around and took wheeljack’s blindfold off

“i cant have sex” said wheeljack to tailgate

“WHAT?? FUCK!!!” screamed tailgate “STARSCREAM”

“Im starscream” said starscream

Then starscream and tailgate had sex so hard that it blew wheeljack and perceptor out of the ship because the force of the goo was so much that it was like a jet engine and they just flew out out the back

Perceptor landed and he caught wheeljack who blushed and then perceptor dropped him ont he floor because wheeljack was 500 pounds of pure cock and balls so perceptor couldn’t hold him up even though he was so muscular from fucking

“What happened” asked optimus prime who was looking up at the sky and watched as perceptor landed and everything

“The decepticon was here and they tried to kidnap wheeljack because he’s so sexy but i saved him” said perceptor

“Okay well what happened” asked optimus prime again who saw that perceptor and wheeljack were covered in. heh.. mayonaise...

“Tailgate is evil now because i cucked him so i think he’s boyfriends with starscream now” perceptor shook off the goo by vibrating very quickly from side to side. He got it in wheeljack’s eyes 

“Well that sucks” optimus replied “wait, does tailgate know how to have sex”

“Yeah” said perceptor

“PERCEPTOR IF HE KNOWS HOW TO HAVE SEX HE’LL TEACH THE DECEPTICON” said optimus

“Relax primey grimey,” perceptor smugly smiled, “he doesn’t have the sex box so they can’t learn how to have sex”

But then perceptor realized he forgot the sex box. Where dd the sex box go. Hit was just in his pocket but now it’s gone

“Fuck. i think when tailgate and starscream splooged us out like water outta a damn i fucking dropped it”

Perceptor patted his pockets and looked scaried. Where could the sex box have gone. Was it inside the ship or did it fall and get crunched? wait a second.. how did starscream FUCK without seeing the box? unless.. oh no...........

“I gotta go back up there” said perceptor 

“But how will you not die” asked wheeljack who was now done wiping the shit out of his eyes

“That’s my secret, wheeljack, and maybe one day you will learn how with enough lube i can slip out of any sticky situation”

Then perceptor flew back up to the evil ship.. O_O but that’s all for now.. How will eprceptor live ? thats for him to know and you to find out next epsode..


	5. Chapter 5

When perceptor fflew back up to the big ship he went bck through the hole he left in the side with because of tailgate nad perceptor was pissed off now because tailgate stoled from him so eprceptor was angry

No one was iin the cargo bay except for some people so perceptor walked by and walks all the way to the cock( :) )pit of the big ship and since no one was there except for starscream perceptor took the controls and turned it down so that way all the shit from the big part of the ship came towards the cock so that way the sex box slid directly into perpceotr’s hand

But because perceptor’s hand was still sticky and lubey from sex it fell OUT of his hand out the open winodw

“FUCK” said perceptor “im so sexy and clumsy ahaha i guess ill have to go bend over and pick that up”

“WE’RE GOING TO CRASH, STARSCREAM ITS NOT INVERT CONTROLS” yelled tailgate from another room 

“Bye gamer. Here’s my phonenumber. It’s 666-42069-go-fuck-yourself” says perceptor and then he jumped out the window and leaved starscream to deal with tailgate’s sexually repressed circumcized wrath

When he landed he looked around for the box and when he saw it he saw people walking around it so perceptor waited until he saw a perfect opprotunity then he swooped in. he walkeid like he walked and bent over (sexy) to pick up the box

“Wow. you’re really clumsy” laughed rung who was there to see it “i get it. The boys slap my textbooks out of my hands all the time when im walking to therapy training”

“This isnt about your emotional problems, rung. All around me is a pizza. i’m busy trying to get me a hot, sweaty, greasy slice”

Perceptor bullied rung when they were in college rtogether but since rung was stupid in the body and in the brain he didn’t pass so he was taking it again. It’s not like rung didn’t pass college or something he was just taking the same class again to show off to all the other students how smart he was because his cock was small (which perceptor remembered)

“Now do me a favor and run off and go away because im not having your boney ass for the gargling” perceptor flicked his fingers at rung and rung cried and ran away because he wasn’t as sexy

Perceptor bented over to put the box back down and he walked away until there was more other bots then he walked over and bent over and picked it up again

“Hey do you ned help wih htat” asked midnight express, infamous manlet from the deep south of cybertron where the sun dont shine and the men all whine

“Sex?” asked perceptor

“Oh gee wiz” 

midnight expressed blushed and then perceptor kissed his hand O_O and then they had sex right there. 

Perceptor huffed and smiled and said “been a while saidnece i had a good nut like that keep the change boyo” and then he walked into the sunset

Percpeotr dd nto notice that th e deceptiicon did not crash and he did not really fucking care but because they didnt cash, that meant they were still alve and that meant trouble………..

So when perceptor got home he saw wheeljack reairng the door to have some mor lokcs on it and stuff. Perceptor but himself onto the couch and turnetd on the televisiont ot he news where optimus brime was on

“More like bimbomus brime” said perceptor sarcastically to hismelf

“There’s a huge plane ofver here right now so we’re gonna go in and get some decepticon so dont worry. Us. our muscles is huge and our meat, and our heart, is even huger. Autobots forever”optimus said

Optimus’ speech was very moving and it very moved perceptor who cried and because wheeljack had small meat he did not cry. Perceptor was huge meat so he was very moved. He hoped optimus would do good and win.

He watched the news as optimus pointed up at the ship and a bunch of autobots was shooting at it and shit and they zoomed on tailgate on the aeroplane who was shooting back and being mean and shit

And then tailaget got shot and yelled and fell off but he got caught by quark O_O and they kissed… but then quark and tailgate flew back upt the ship 

“Ew ew ew i fucked a decepticon sympathizer ewwww ew ew gross ewww” said percpetoro. He turned off the tv because he did not want to see anyhtinfmg more

“You can never no who wiill be a deceptikin nowadays.” said wheeljack very serious because he was not paying very much attention because he was working on the door

“If i ever fuck a decepticonn then you have my permission to revrt my meat” siad perceptor

And then wheeljack and pecptorp cuddled :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happee woman day. i write woman for this chaptor

Percpeotrp was sitting at home watching televisioned when he lookeied at his box. Perceptor opened the box and he looked inside of it and was reminded of sex and he thought to himself in a flashback of what happened when he first introducded box into sicety.

Hrmmm.. It only work ed on men but one woman look into box.. Covergirl looked into box but perceptor did not see what happen to her after she looked into box. She got an effect but what about afterward

Perceptor walked out of house and walked into his government loboroatory and optimus brime was there already nd he was deep in thought looking at some sceince inside of the laobrotory.

“Optimus brime why are you here” asked perceptor huskily

“Perceptor just who i wanted to see. How go the pregnant project” optimus looked happy and wanted to hear the results

Perceptor thought and thought

“Oh i forgot to make people pregantn i was just having sex. oopsie” said perceptor

“I’ve got a great idea percetor,” said optimus, “im going to fire you becuase you suck dick.”

“I DO NOT SUCK DICK” said perceptor “I AM NOT THE SUCKER. I AM THE DICK”

“Perceptor you are stupid” said brime “go home and cry. That is an official command from your official officer.”

“Fine” 

said perceptor. He ran out the door crying and ran down the entire block until he got home and jumped onto the couch of his house and he cried.

While he was crying wheeljack came out of one of the rooms and saw perceptor crying and he pat perceptor on the back and perceptor hugged him and cried on him and accidentally got some in wheeljack’s stab wound again and wheeljack died for a second but he got ok after

“What’s wrong” asked wheeljack

“OPTIMUS PRIME FIRED ME BECAUSE HE THINSK I SUCK DICK WHEN I DO NOT SUCK DICK. I BELIEVE. A MAN SHOULD PRAISE. THE KING. IF YOU HOLD IT DOWN FOR THE MAN- THE MAN SHOULD PRAISE- AND THE KING SHOULD PRAISE THE MAN- BUT MY WAY IS PRAISING IS ‘HOW WAS DINNER’ ‘YOU LIKE THE HOUSE YOU LIVE IN?’ ‘YOU LIKE ALL THE CLOTHES YOU GETTING?’ ‘I’M TAKING CARE OF YOUR FAMILY, I’M TAKING CARE OF MY FAMILY’, YOU KNOW, PUT IN THE WORK”

“So, you’re saying you don’t go down” said wheeljack”

“NO! NAH! NEVER!”

“All of that to say you don’t go down?”

“NAH”

“Oh come on perceptor,” wheeljack did incredulous “perceptor c’mon.”

“I DON’T, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? NAH. NAH. I DON’T DO THAT. I DON’T DO THAT”

“Not even for like, his birthday?” wheeljack asked

“LIS- LISTEN. I PUT IN THAT WORK. MY WORK IS GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING. I DO MY THING.”

“So, if he says he won’t do that, is that okay”

“I’m.. nah, not ok. Because-”

Wheeljack LARFED at perceptor a widdle bit and cutted him off.

“I’m confused,” wheeljack said.

“You gotta. Say. ‘im the dom. Im the king.’ You know what i’m saying?”???

“But he’s also a king, perceptor”

“Of course.” perceptor nodded

“Soooo”

“I don’t do that. It’s different rulesa for kings, you know what i’m saying. We, um, we’re the kings you know what i’m saying, so, there’s some things you might not want to do or want to do but it’s gotta get done. You know what im saying. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t”

Stinky silence wafted in the air then wheeljack larfed then just fucking left. And then percptorp cried because optimus said he sucked dick when perceptorp DID NOT SUCK COCK. OR GARGLE BALLS.

“I’ll show that optimus brime. But first i need to go find covergirl because i forgot i needed to go find here”

Then perceptor got up and left the house again and went to braqn’s house on the other side of town and knock ed on the door but there was no response so perceptor looked throw the window. There was curtaisn but perceptor moved them with his mind powers because his iq was as big as his cock and his cock was massive

Then he sawed brawn on the beg and he was getting PORGED !!! by covergirl GASP!!! Perceptor eye went out of his head ! covergirl saw perceptor watching through the window and she walked over and shut the curtains

Perceptorp scrathced his chin

“Maybe that is why brawn hasn’t come to my night time erotic gameshow story readings. He’s too busy being pegged all day long and by the time it’s night time he’s too exhausted and falles asleep.”

Perceptor thinked about things and then thinked about covergirl.. Maybe the effect was ok for humans too maybe? Did she already know about sex before the box or did she not? Well he can’t ask her because she’s busy so maybe he’ll put something in the male for her later

Then perceptorp cried because he wasn’t getting his socalism dollars from oprtimrus brime anymore so he couldn’t afford postage.t hen he ran home and cried.

* * *

Optimus brime laughed evilly and he took off his mask.. He was actually unicorn the hole time but perceptor couldn’t tell because he (unicorn) was wearing a optimus prime mask when he (pertorpor) got fired!

“Now with that perocptorp out of the way all cybertron will be dead and then no more sex well happen.. Yes.. unicorn you are so sexy” unicorn said to himself.

The real optimus prime was tied up! O_O (not kinky) and he YELLED but then unicron closed the closet door on him and because it was sounde proof no one could heal optimus prime scream… oh no

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Because perocptor ran away crying he ran through cybertron plowing through people like a wheeljack through a man. Which is to say perceptor did not plow through anyone because as soon as he hit the leg of a guy who was standing there he made a loud bang noise and his entire body rattled like a cartoon character

“Watch where you’re going im crying here” said perceptor to the man. The man look ed down at percptor. The huge man was actually ratchet but ratchet wasn’t the huge one . one time omega supreme died that one time so ratchet got to kinda pilot his body around like that brain guy from teenage mutant ninja turtles.

“Wow ratchet you’re tall now” 

Said perceptor eyeing ratchet like a MEAL straight out of the microwave. Ratchet looked at perceptor and perceptor looked at ratchet and then ratchet got out of omega supreme and looked at perceptor and then perceptor was in omega supreme (not sexual) and then he walked away

“Ill show optimus prime and destroy tailgate and that PESKY quark who teased my cock and nut. That whiny cuck doesn’t know what’s about to hit him”

Perceptor then walked all the way over to the decepticon ship and optimus prime was there and a bunch of other guys too and they were all fighting but since perceptor was using omega supreme he had omega supreme grab the ship and then perceptor got in again

“Oh my god fuck off” shockwave said

Perceptor LAUGHED. “Fuck activated” said perceptor as he unzipped his cock and due to the length it sprang out so hard and so fast that it punched shockwave through a wall and also broke the sound barrier. Shockwave turned into a cloud of red mist. But then he turned into a cloud and then rained himself. then hockwave was caught by someone on the ground (>///<). Her name was concrete and she smashed his face in as he fell face first into her long strip of sidewalk

Perceptor walked through the ship again until he found tailgate and quark and they were MAKING OUT!!! And LOUDLY!! AND EVERYONE WAS CLAPPING!!!

Perceptorp grabbed tailgate by the ear and then threw him out the ship. Quark was attached mouth to mouth with tailgate so they made out mid-air and then softly floated down to the ground via magic pixie powder directly into coptimus’s hands

But prcptor knew that he had to do something about he deceptron. But as soon as he was about to bust out his street-rat style fighting moves he felted a gun against his head

“Stringbean ass,” said starscream” you sqirtted too quick for your own dick. You fell right into my trap and now you well invent sex for the decepticons”

“No thanks” and then perceptor elbowed starscream in the dick… but since sex wasn’t nvented for the decepticon, starscream didn’t have a dick so perceptor just elbowed him in the HARD CROTCH

And then starscream kicked perceptor over and perceptor made a really sad deflating noise because since he’s been living off robotjuices for the past at least 4 days he’s sort of immunocromprised 

“Stupid” laugher starscream “set ship to warp drive nidey BILLION decibels we’re SKRTING OUTTA HERE gets back to EVIL cybertron now. Leave tailgate and quarkle here to le die a little dick death”

Perceptor GROWLED and flciked his tail and felt his claws come out but he couldn’t do anything but sit on the floor like a porby. So instead, perceptor got out his phone and texted wheeljack ‘help lol’ and then sent it and put his phone away

Then the ship wented warp speed but what starscream didn’t realize is that because of all the holes in it some of the warp got into the ship and it was all psychadelic and kinda fucked up and cool but EVIL

When it stopped perceptor ran to the window and looked and saw EVIL cybertron it was cybertron but evil colored. He looked at starscream angry.

“Now you are stuck here with us” said starream

Percpeptor thought of a bunch of really dramatic things all at once he could’ve said in response but instead he screamed like a bird for 0.5 seconds and punched starscream hard enough for his face to dent in like a play do.. Then prcpotpr was restrained by bulkhead who picked perpcotr up lke a ice cream come. Perceptor was biting him with his razor sharp teeth

“Take him to his evil lab where he’ll be CHAINED to the evil table by his FOOT and he cannot leave until he has invented decepticon sex for the decepticon.” starscream laughed EVIL and then they landed…………. And took perceptor to an evil lab and tdid that stuff and it wasn’t sexy at all …….

“You WILL like deceiptiocn” said starscream and he pointed at him

“whore” perceptor he pointed back at starscream…..

the n starscream sniffled and got a sad anime face then ran away crying and perceptor felt kinda bad but not really at all actually. Then perceptor sat on the floor and looked at his phone and wheeljack didn’t text him back…………. yet………..


	8. Chapter 8

Perceptor was ANGERY because it’d been 5 hours and wheeljack didn’t text him back. Perceptor knew wheeljack was a virgin so eprceptor KNEW wheeljack didn’t have anything better to do than to text his favorite ghangis khan boyfriend back.

Perceptor thoguht heard with his big brain and figured out that maybe wheeljack was dead again because when he heard erpceptor got kidnapped he probably cried and wailed and sobbed and got water into his stab wound and died.. Typical, erpcotr would have to go and turn him on once he got back to the house but for now

Bitch was tied to a science desk like a bitch to a doghouse.. What in the fucking to do indeed..

“Well i guess if i have nothing else to do i can mix some evil decepticon chemicals to make an evil decepticon brew” 

And so perceptor did that and he used chemical but it was just a hobby so perceptor wasn’t very professional so he knocked chemical all over the floor

“Oops haha better bend over and clean that up” perceptor winked audibly and when he did and he cleaned it up no one was there. Perceptor was sad. Evil cybertron was unsexy and he wasn’t about the virgin lifestyle. It worked for wheeljack but it simply did nt work for him. Perceptor wiggled ass and then got up

“Well you know what they say. Virgins be like a caterpillar. Eating”

Said perceptor to himself and himself so then he went and he made some more evil chemicals but because berpetor was not a professional chemical mixer he smelt some of the chemicals with his nose and he gotted dizzy.

Erptoceptor didn’t know what was making him dizzy so he investigatored by giving the chemicals a BIG HUFF and then he realized that it was the chemicals and theyn he passed out

When percpetor awaken then he sawed that he was still in the lab but now he was differently colored because he gotten chemicals all over him and also he felt very very light like he either got very muscular or something got taked offer him. Also perceptor felt like he was evil because he was thinking very evil and mean thoughts and he was happy

Perceptor cheked to see what he was missing and of COURSE the first place he checked was to see if his massive shlong was still there. Perceptor GASPED!!! IT WAS GONE!!!!!! NOTHING WAS THERE IT WAS LIKE HE WAS A DOLL… ALL THAT HARD (>-w-<) WORK!!!

“WHO STOLE MY COCK” perceptor SCREAMED

“I did that >:)” said starscream who was there also. Perceptor was angry and he LEAPED at starscream but he was chained to table very unsexily so he smashed face first onto the floor and cried and wailed and sobbed and pounded his fists on the floor like a monkey

“Now with this cock i will rule the decpeitropn and the autobot and you cna do nothing you silly cockless neandrathal. Have fun not having sex because i will have all of it and leave none for you. No more sex perceptor” said starscream very SMUG and evil

“Starsctream i’m goign to rip my cock off you and shove a taser up the ass you have now which you stole from me, you’re nothing but a fake, plastic ass BIMBO that no one wants to fuck. Not for real…. Not a real fuck. A LOVE fuck… No matter the cock size.. People will never love you for who you are and you’re going to be alone…. Unlike me with my virgin hunk wheeljack we have troo love and he loves me for more than just my gigantous cock and ball.”

“Shut up cockless” starscream said

Then perceptor cried and he threw a chemical at starscream ANGRY and starscream screamed and then ran out and then tailgate was there and he had perceptor’s box in his hand he was very >:) and he kicked perceptor in his stomach because perceptor was on the floo rand tailgate was not

“Well well well perceptor. Now i am the box haver and guess what.”

“What”

“They call my cock the tardis. Why? Because it’s blue and angular.”

“Starscream’s not going to fuck you, dude,” percpetor bitterly sad and he glared and his evil eye opened, “so stop trying”

“You don’t know that”

“Oh yeah, as if starscream is going to have a ‘fuck a fan’ contest. Gargle my cock and nuts, tailweight, and go back to quark so he can put his little pp in your chesticles.”

“Well as far as i know you have no cock and nuts and ALSO you’re evil now so I win and you lose and you suck cock and dick and nut”

And then tailgate left perceptor a lone and perceptor was sad because he knewed…. He was without his hope.. Hsi sihing light… his cock and nut.. Wheeljack was no tanswering.. Optimus FIRED him for having too much man ass and having fucking AMAZING game.. All things was bad so perceptorb… became EVIL...


	9. Chapter 9

Now that percpeot was evil there was a lot of purks. He could hurt people withotu feeling bad and he could also wear some badass clothing like he was a cool guy who played guitar in a rock bad and he was also maybe also a ceo of a company so he dressed like that and now he was looking evil (all the deceptions knew this because he was wearing BIG cuffs on writst with BIG spikes coming out of them and also he had a eyeliner on with also a tear drop tattoo on his right cheek)

Perceptor gnawed at his CHAINS after he got busy being finishing dressed up and he kicked at them and eventually he just gave up and ripped the desk off the floor and dragged it around with him because starscream was stupid and he putt the handcuffs around perceptor’s buff leg

“What are you doing out of your lab, nerd” asked bulkhead who awas perceptor’s security guard. Percptor spat in his yebal and walked away and walked out the door and went outside. Everyone was FUCKING because of TAILGATE and his FUCKING BOX HE STOLE

Outside was all gray and sad and evil and perceptor smiled because now he was also gray and evil and DEPRESSED because when he checked wheeljack’s text messages that last thing wheeljack ever said to him was ‘please stop fucking the dishwasher you’re getting jizz on the plates and i have to put them through again’. Percepto r smiled at the image of wheeljack doing the dishws by hand because perceptor got his fat hog slog all over the plates and wheeljack couldn’t eat off them.

But perceptor looked down after opening his pants and alas… not a dick to be found. Not even a microfibrer of a peepee. Smooth like a baby ass. Perceptor was resighed to how he was living now so he figured he should make also everyone else very miserable because if he can’t have a dick then no one can……..

Wait a second, that as it!!!! Perceptor smild EVEIL and he worked on his desk and make ad brand new box and he smiled and he was evil and he thought of all the thing he could do dow ith the new box

Jus then tailgate walked over and he was carrying quark like a satchel. 

“I knew your spike was the source of your power, now you can’t even break some handcuffs on your buff leg so you have to drag the whole desk outside” quark laughed at perceptor “while we fucked in your secret lab i told tailgate about how you had magic energy in your dick”

“Grrrr thanks quark you backstabbing balaoney bitch. Also call it a dick you stupid fucking idiot it’s called a DICK. a SHLONG. A PEE-PEE. A CLAM JAMMER.. A HAM WRANGLE. anyways. But get a LOAD” haha “of THIS” and then percptor showed quark and tailgrate the BOX and suddenly!! They could not have sex anymore. Tailgate LAUGHED

“Simpleton we still have the other box” said tailgate. Then perceptor took it and crunched it and threw it away 

“Not anymore. Now everyone will not hav sex and you made a big mistake tailgate because this box gives me cock power. So you will now DIE” and then perceptor pelvic thrusted and a magical energy dick SWOOSHED IN and SLAPPED tailgate and quark across the PLANET. Perceptor sweated and he wiped his brows and pat his evil box

“I must do this for the good of me. I must go deffeat starscream..”

Then perceptor walked all the way through evil cybertron like a hot strutting stud just taking away any cock he saw like it was his buisnesss because it WAS his buisness they were all plagirisimng his ART. ebentually he found starscream and starscream was busy because he was now on the evil cybertron thrown and he was loo king very evil

“Starscream i should’ve known it was you” perceptor said

“Yes, it was me, starscream, all along. Now prepare to die.. Quark and tailgate died a little dick death but you will die a ZERO DICK DEATH HAHAHA”

And then they had a cock fight and because perceptor had stolen so much cock power he let out a BARRAGE of meat called the MEAT LASER… it blasted starscream off the out of the orbit of the planet then back in and when he went back into orbit perceptor grabbed him and took his cock straight out of his socket.

“When i was young i would always ask myself,” perceptor mused, “do i want to go to tit-topia or ass-class?”

Percepto walked away from stardream who was on the floor and CRYING because percpeotp stole hs cock back

“Well.. the answer i thought i got was cockland. That’s what i wanted cubertron to be. Cockland. But now i know… cybertorn.. Does not deserve to be cockland.. No.. with people like optimus brime in the way cyberotrn can NEVER be cockland.. So i must be evil and wretched and erect in even the most coldest of climates and kick optimus to the curb and become the leaber that cybertron deserve.”

And then perceptor went and sat on evil cybetron throne O)O… and he now had the power of all the decepticocks and he was to bteh the thinkign of the ways he could invade cybetron and beat up optimus AAAHHHH scary


	10. Chapter 10

Wheeljackrer was coming out of the dmv from his annual mani-pedi and because he likes to cover his eyes and his ears with blindfolds during it he wasn’t looking at his phone. Wheeljack felt the horse blinders enhanced the sensation of having his fingernails brushed with horse-hair brushes and paint

Wheeljack looked outside and saw lots of fucking. Wheeljack was virgin so he turned up his nose at the fucking crude autobots outside and walked the street like a hot virgin hunk (which he was). Wheeljack got catcalled (or is it dogcalled if you’re a man lol) by redalert and sunstreaker who was revving his engine at him loudly.

“Hey wheeljacker how’s it hanging. Do you wanna go to do some sex later” asked sunstreaker

“Unlike you i am a virgin and im saving it until i get troo love. You’re not punching my hard with that attitude.. Take me out to donner next first.” scoffed wheeljack and he STRUTTED AWAY.. red alert and sunstreaker shrugged and makde out.

Wheeljack was angtry and disgostinged by how much sex was on cybertron. It’s like he couldn’t step five seconds without getting his big ol sexy foot in a puddle ‘o man-o-naise. Just like how today he slipped and he fell because of it on his way to work. AUGH. it was GROSS

wheeljack er walked back to work. Wheeljack worked part time at the cat cafe shop. He had to wear a large cat outfit every time and thankfully they respected his virgin and let him wear a big fursuit instead of the sexy outfits they had for the other people who worked in. he was sorta the guy who advertised the store with the twirlty sign but sometime he was inside serving drinks and he liked the sign more. One time he had to beat a guy off him while doing it because of reasons wheeljack doesn’t remember but it was kinda funny lol.

Wheeljack got into costume when he got back to work and when he was at work, he ntoicec his coworker, powerglide, making out with his boyfriend cosmos. Cosmos was not worker at the place but he came :) over a lot to make out with powerglide

“Well at least you two are being at least halfway decent” said wheeljack sarcastic inside his big cat suit

“What do you mean” asked powerglide

“Everyone’s outside all having sex. I dont like sex because i’m a virgin, see, so you two not having sex in here is nice.”

“Oh i heard about sex,” said cosmo, “powerglide lets go get some sex. Leave tony the tiger here so he can age like cheese, unkissed, and lets get sum” cosmos winked and powerglide BLUSHED and then they made out LOUDLY all the way out the door to go find a tutorial on how to download sex.

Wheeljack’s eye WATERED and he sniffed because cosmos was always mean to him ever since they were kids which really sucked because he remembered when cosmos wasn’t mean or a maninizer (womanizer but at men). 

“What’s wrong” asjeed groove. He was wearing the sexy outfit.

“Cosmos is mean and i remember when we were kids and friends and he wasn’t like that. He was funny and nice but now he’s unfunny and mean. I always thought he’d be nice again but every day i see him be a whore i just think he’ll never change”

“Don’t you have better things to worry about. I mean perceptorp got kidnapped right”

“Lol no he didn’t”

“Yeah he did”

“Well shit.” wheeljack lookedied at his phone and saw 50 missed texts from percpetor that all basically said the same thing over and over but hweeljack didn’t FUCKING look at his phone during his SPA DAY!! Perceptorp shoulda known…

‘Omw’ wheeljack texted back to percpeotpr. He saw on the phone that eprpcotpr was texting back.

‘Don’t bother. I am eevil now so i’ll come to you. Wear the hat that i like. The cowboy one. Because it’s going to be a rodeo and im the bull and im about to kick you in the fucking chest with my hooves’

Wheeljack looked at the message and he used his ability to see ip addresses and he uplaoded the ip adress of perpcpeot’s phone into a locator which he used to find out perpcpto was on evil cybertron in an evil buildign on and evil throne

“I must go help percptopr.. He’s been corrupted and now he’s evil and i have to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid like try to fucking cybertron”


	11. Chapter 11

Wheeljack whent all the way to evil cybertron but he forgot to take off hs cat costume so he walked around in it. Everyone was too busy being sad bc they can’t fuck in order to notice wheeljack and wheeljack 

Wheeljack walked all the way through evil cybetron and when he was done he saw starscream crying in a crater and he’d filled it up all the way with evil tears. Wheeljack fished him out using his fishing rod (he was part fish) and fished him up.

“FIGURES i’d need to be fished out of my pool of DISREPEAR.. Don’t look at me don’t touch me” starscream cried and ran away and wheeljack noticed that starscream was cockless unlike all the other decepticon who were also cockless? But wheeljack thought they wre all fucking by now if they had percptor being evil.

“Well i’ve never been more happy to not see a swingin’ dick. Alright perceptor where are you” said wheeljack in his cat suit but then he got bumped into someone.

“Whatch where you’re going” said rung

“Rung? What’re you doing on evil cybertron” asked wheeljack

“Who the fuck.. I’m FUNG.. short for fungus.” said fung

“Uhhh ok bye”

‘Bye”

Then they left and wheeljack whent on tot he evil skyscraper wher perceptor was and he thought he would have to fight but he didn’t actually. All the decepticons were too sad they had no meaty meat shafts to shaft.

Wheeljack walked into the throne room and perceptor was sitting evil and cross legged petting his evil box like a big whiet cat in super villain movies

“Wheeljackr.. Welcome to my evil domain i’m not who i used to be. Now i’m evilceptor” said perceptor.. No.. EVILceptor.. :(

“Perceptor is this all because optimus proim said you suck dick. Because i know you dont suck dick and you don’t need to make a whole evilsona just because you want to prove a point about sex”

“Yes i do” 

Then perceptor used his long arm to grab wheeljack by his weird head flap things and pulled him over to the thrown

“You listen to me, wheeljack” said evilceptor “i’m evil now and nothing’s going to change that”

“What if i do that cat dance you like” said wheeljack

“Hmmmm ok maybe but can we make out after”

“Sure”

And then wheeljack did the cat dance and it was really very funny and very cool but not very evil and evilceptor found it not as funny.. Like when you grow up and christmas becomes less and less exciting and fun…

“Okay stop” evilceptor said and wheeljack did “can you dance twice as fast”

And then wheeljack did. But what evilceptor didnt notice was that hweeljack was getting closer and closer to the throne and then he GRABBED the evil box and kept dancing with it and evilceptor clapped when he started juggling it

“Wheel thank you buh bye” said hweeljack and then he RAN out the door

“HEY FUCKER!! YOU BABY SQUIRT YOU CUM FLCIK!!! GET BACK HERE WITH MY FUCKNG MAGIC EVIL BOX!!! DECEPTICONS GET HIM!!!!!!”

Yelled evilceptor as he ran after wheeljack but wheljack’s legs were fucking enormous and he ran track and field when he was an kid. Percptor had no hope to catch him and eventyally he ran and tripped and passed out on the floor while wheelajck was chased

“Shit. shit. F-word. shit. “ said wheeljack running. He saw evil cops (redudnant lol) all over the place and thought he had nowhere to hide but then he spotted a man hole and JUMPED inside… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorre no sax this chaptor 


	12. Chapter 12

Wheelerjack landed in the manhole and sniffed around and frowned because it smlleded very bad. He walked through the sewer and looked at the purple water that was getting through his cat paw suit. 

“Rancid” said wheeljack and then as he walked the sewer turned into mushrooms and caves and also blue? 

Wheeljack leaned down and looked at the mushrooms and recognized them. When he was a child he saw them when he was a child because his mom was a large mushroom fan because she was a frog and frogs love mushrooms

He looked at the mushrooms and he sang a song and the mushrooms glowed and showed him the way to safety <3 and when he followed them he was in a room 

In the room was no mushrooms but instead it was normal and wheeljack turned off his cat mask and looked at the people in the room

“Who the fuck are you” said wheeljack to the people

“Man” said g’amede

“I’m magnificus” said magnificus and he cried a little bit and wheeljack slapped him and magnificus stopped crying

“It is a fucking hell up on the service for a man and a bot… especially since i’m ten inches tal” said g’amede who was sitting on magnificus shoulder and kissed magnificus on the cheek because magnificus was a little sadguy 

“Well. that sucks. Good thing you guys don’t fuck though” said wheelchak who was a virgin by the way and then g’amede and maginificus looked at eachother and then wheeljack GROWLED 

“Well fucking aside why are you ehre” asked magnificus who cried a little because hwelljack was being mean and a rude

“Im here to save my dumbfuck slutass boyfriend who’s evil now” wheeljack grumbled and then “im running im running but he’s still fuckign evil”

“Maybe go find someone more evil than perceptor, like magatron” said the stupid little tiny manletman

“Magatron hasn’t been active since mlp season 3 finale and i dont think he’ll be active ever again because he’s doing the ‘clip her wings’ thing with twilight sparkle still don’t you know” asked wheeljack

“No we’ve been in the mushroom zone for 10 years” sniffled magnificus and then he and microman started making out because the tension was too much and magnificus slurped and SPLOOGED and it made more mushrooms because he had mushroom powers too and so wheeljack screamed and ran and ran and he heard the cops behind him so he ran further into the mushrooms and hid in the mushrooms and watched as starscream ran by him and all the other ones did too looking for him because wheeljack was an outlaw now

Wheeljack climbed out a man hole :) and looked around at the empty streets and thought about what to do so he used his cat suit to run around as a cat form and he looked inside one of the windows and saw no fucking and he smiled…. He thought of how much no fucking was happening on evil decepticon planet so he thought of it… but then he shocked the thought ouf of his head because he would NEVER.. He ahd to run away now and figure out how to create a good drink to make perceptor good again and not evil so he ran

Wheeljack ran all the way to the ocea and when he was there he kneled and he prayed to his god of virgins, rung, that percpetorp would be good again and because he did that then the water turned big and also red and then wheeljack put it in a bottle and then turned back into a cat to go run

But then before he could run… he was CONFORTED O_O by WHO? Find out next time..


	13. Chapter 13

Wheeljack was surprised to see the sexiest transformer ever to step outta the egg.. Mr sexformer himself Dragstrip ….. Wheeljack almost swooned to be honest but then he remembered he needed to help perceptor be not evil or something right

“Dragstrip we have to find and make perceptor stop being evil or else he’ll be evil forever.” wheeljack exclaimed

“Why do you want peprceptor be not evil?evil is sexy” dragstrip said but like sexily..

Dragstrip walked up to wheeljack and brushed his face loudly.. Sexy music beegan to play O_Obut as wheeljack looked into dragstrip’s supa sexy eyes he had to remember that he had to remember to not cheat on perceptor

“Do you wanna like.. Be evil maybe with me? And you know what………….. Romance is better evil and stuff also”

Wheeljack turned to normal and he turned away from dragstrip’s hussy effect on his brain and crossed his arms defiantly

“Well i need your help to make perceptor not evil, so lets do that first”

“Ok” wanked dragstrip

* * *

Perceptor was being evil and evil but also sad as he looked down at his pp. Cock elongated and un-elongated as perceptor sighed loudly in his evil thrown.. He wanted to be evil but maybe………………….. The way wheeljack did the things was kinda sexy and if he wanted to be evil then he couldn’t be sex at the same time because……………….. Hrrmmmmm… well he did have a big monologue but he was kinda thinking that yeah he had a point but also not having sex after having so many was kinda boring 

“Quark come here” commanded percptor. Quark showed up with some evil tools and his evil lap. Perceptor larfed.

“Just like old times huh quarkle ol buddy ol pal haha” perceptor looked at quark big eyes big lookngat him

“yeah:)” 

They lookied at eachother very long time (eye sex) andthen did science together and mkde a brand new sex box. But this was no normal sex box. It was EVIL. it didn’t have any rel actual diffrence except it had an evil aura and perceptor could keep all his evil clothes on during it

“Quark will you sex with me” perceptor got down on one knee

“Tee hee” giggled quark

Then they had EVIL SEX that the whole floorheard ESPECIALLY when quark! SPLOTTEEDDD!! And it got everywhere like a FIREHOSE.. Gonna need window washers!!! When they were all done percptor patted quark on the hed :) but then he got a transmission from normal cybertron

“What are you doing” asked optimus in the transmission

“Evil sex” said perceptor”do you want some”

“Perceptor get back here right now” 

“I am busy so unless you got some hot manass……. You aint getting me back optiBUST!!!” and perceptor hung up thinking about optimus’s big ol swanger.. Hmmm actually thinking about it optimus didn’t look in the sex box.. So his wang-a-lang was a mystery.. A chode? A normal one? A big ol THANG? Perceptor was curious but also didn’t care that much because optimus fired him and that ws rude :/

“Why are u crying” said quark

“I got splort in my eyes” answered perceptor who was actually crying because he would never know optimus’s wang…. For all his talks about meat……….. Optimus didn’t even have any in the first place


End file.
